Our minds on media.

To quote Joe Mathlete:

JESUS FUCK STOP IT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS??? EVERYTHING YOU CREATE IS CANCER AND MADNESS

Ok. Now that that’s out of the way, I will attempt to comment on this article over at Wired about the major label’s new strategy: everybody pays for all the music! That’s right. Now the RIAA has decided that they can make ISPs charge a fee to their customers in exchange for access to “a database of all known music.” Where does one begin? First of all, one begins by pointing out to the author of the article that the record companies do not own all known music. Duh!

Exaggerated claims aside, this plan is basically a plan to turn the major labels into clearing houses, which, let’s face it, that’s what they really have always wanted to be.

“Doing marketing and promoting is hard! Why can’t we just collect money from musicians and customers! I hate coming up with ideas.”

And ask yourself this: will the fees be optional? Of course not! This is one of those brilliant plans that is utterly dependent on everyone else’s cooperation. And that’s worked AMAZINGLY well in the past. Most people demand that they be able to pay for the tripe crap that the industry unfailingly continues to waste its investments on because everyone knows that people who pirate music shoot guns and do drugs.

Moreover, this move will really haul the new talent in. Let’s see, you’re a musician and you want to get your music out to people. Do you hand it over to a giant conglomeration who will then give you some teeny tiny percentage that they’ve bullied out of ISPs, OR you sell it on your web site or maybe through iTunes with services like Tuencore?

Come on!

But there is reason to rejoice because, let’s face it, this is really just surrender. Apparently there is not an ounce of creative thought remaining in these five lumbering behemasloths. They can’t figure out decent new formats, can’t figure out decent marketing strategies or maybe team up and work with a Digg for music. They’ve got nothing, so they’re turning to begging. It’s sad, but saccharine. R.I.P. big five. Your likes will not be missed.